So Very Loud
by Red-Like-Lithium
Summary: Deidara hates silence.


_A/N: I wrote a drabble-thing so I don't die from not being able to write. This is at the cost of my History grade but whatever. I don't own Naruto, just my writing._

_Basically, this focuses on a somewhat disturbed mind, I don't know if this needs warning or not. I felt like experimenting with an unbalanced character and making him just that much more mad._

* * *

Deidara hates silence.

Maybe that's why he had been so willing to allow Tobi to be his partner. Tobi is loud, obnoxious, a spastic and immature little prick who can talk long enough to make three conversations at once. Despite him being irritating, the fact that his sing-song voice is able to fill the extensive voids of quiet that had since opened after Sasori got himself deader than his personality is beneficial. Tobi is tolerable. Barely tolerable. But tolerable.

When Sasori died, Deidara was temporarily a lone shinobi, relying on himself and only himself. But that meant silence. There was no one to chatter at, to annoy, to lapse into drawn-out, meaningless, and one-sided dialogue with.

It drove him into (near) insanity.

Not that it was very hard. Deidara has been teetering on the edge of his "right mind" since as far as he can remember. Sanity is a very boring thing and the only reason he haphazardly clings to it is so he can plan out strategies like a good little ninja.

Deidara would talk to himself. Sasori had caught him doing it in the past, commenting on how unhealthy it might have been to treat oneself as a second person. Deidara called him a rather unpleasant swear word; he smiled as he did so.

Though sometimes even his own vocal cords can't provide enough noise to cover the silence that is him alone in any environment. He's supposed to be stealthy, an assassin - and for the most part, he can shut up long enough to kill a man or woman before they know they are bleeding from the throat. Short spurts aren't so difficult. He can survive short spurts of a wordless, soundless world. He can do it. He assures Sasori of this many time because Sasori used to ask if he was still mentally _there_ every morning. (Still there? Sasori asked. Yes, Deidara lied.)

But now Sasori's got an unholy number of swords through that stupid little canister that was apparently his wilted, wilted heart and he's probably still lying in a puddle of his own dried up blood that must have been stored in that same stupid little canister unless the small, pink girl took pity and decided to bury a pile of wooden limbs or whatever.

Now Sasori's dead, dead, deader than dead and until Tobi comes dancing along Deidara is his own companion and he will talk with himself as much as he very well pleases. He's a good audience. He listens. He understands. Sasori never understood. The Tsuchikage, the stupid little village, each and every soul tied into the sticky, red and black arms of damnation never understood. But Deidara understands, he gets it, he's the only one that ever has and ever will because everyone else is naïve and shall never understand how he functions.

But then it's all _silent_ and even the wind won't make a disturbance and he feels himself leaning his weight to balance precariously on his heels over the cliff that his is "right mind" that separates him from what Sasori would call _irresponsibility of one's self_ and what Deidara would call _complete madness_.

Deidara doesn't like the silence and that's why he would go as far as to say he misses Sasori, the oh so misguided artist. Sasori was a bridge out of his own so very loud brain. Sasori was a vent. Sasori was in his "right mind" (or so he seemed).

Deidara likes it when it's loud. It drowns out his very loud brain. He likes his clay that bursts into fireworks that echo around canyons and push trees over and light shit on fire and burn eyesores to the ground because damn it Sasori _art is fleeting just like life because you're deader than dead, so very, very dead just like all the people you and i killed together - remember? do you remember all the people we killed? it's all itachi's fault isn't it? that i killed so many people? he recruited me, it's his fault, always his fault - but you're dead, dead, dead and it's unbearably quiet without you here i'm going mad, i say, madder than you are dead, so very, very mad. . . _

It's silent and Deidara's mouth starts to twitch and he drums his fingers on something - ANYTHING - _anything_ to drown out the silence but it doesn't work and his fists clench open and closed at random. His teeth grind almost painfully and his brow furrows in a rather strained expression. His brain is remarkably loud like it usually is but nothing is distracting him this time.

His left hand chews on clay nervously whilst his right bites its lips apprehensively. That works for a second, but then the silence presses around him and he can't stand it any longer (he's choking, he can't breathe) and he frantically molds a notably ugly bird and sends it soaring and impatiently waits until it explodes in a cloud of smoke and sparks.

He inhales sharply, savoring the ringing in his ears from the detonation.

Perhaps that is why Sasuke is such a cringe-worthy opponent. He doesn't talk, never talks, only talks when he is vaguely explaining a technique Deidara honestly does not care about. Tobi is gone because Deidara needed this to be one-on-one but Sasuke is being a bad sport about it all; it's Itachi's fault, Deidara decides. Always Itachi's fault. _Right Danna?_

And Sasuke is silent just like it's always silent and Deidara rambles, shouts, rants about his art and how shitty Uchiha's are and Sasuke finally speaks and when he does, it's only about Itachi, _always Itachi_, and Deidara can't handle it because it's Itachi's fault he's in the Akatsuki and Itachi's fault he has to deal with the silence that Sasori left him to face alone and _God he hates Uchiha's_.

Deidara slowly kicks off that cliff he has been precariously wavering and rocking on for a long time, falling backwards, bidding his "right mind" farewell.

The eruption, the blast, the combustion is so very, very loud, so loud it might even be maddening, and it's all right, everything is all right now because Itachi's brother is deader than Sasori now and it was always Itachi's fault and now Itachi can suffer the silence that has been thrown away for miles just as should be.

(It's so very, very loud now, Deidara can't hear or see a thing, and he wonders if he has ever been more sane than he is at this very moment.)

* * *

Still there? Sasori asks.

Yes, Deidara lies.


End file.
